Using Technology with Good Manners

Paula Gamonal

The Opportunity

We've written many articles about etiquette, and about technology, but not about the intersection between the two. We have received quite a bit of mail asking for some etiquette guidelines for the use of technological devices. Even the most technology-averse of us are making increasing use of technology in our personal and business lives.

Anyone who has been annoyed by cell phones in a romantic restaurant, been caught in a voice-mail loop, or tried to carry on a conversation with someone whose attention is almost completely absorbed by stock quotes or sports scores on their digital pager, might be inclined to think that technological devices are incompatible with anything approaching good manners.

We disagree. Etiquette is basically about paying some attention to the convenience and comfort of the people that you interact with. Whether technology is involved or not, the basics of good manners apply. Technology doesn't cause it or contribute to breaches of manners, they just put a new face on old symptoms of inattention, indifference, or boorishness.

The Solution

A few specific suggestions follow for use of specific devices and features, and how to make the most cordial use of them. There are also some specific suggestions we have for times and places to "unplug," when personal communication should be paramount to interaction mediated by devices.

Since many devices are very new, we have to allow some latitude as people learn how to apply basic manners and common sense to some pretty complicated new devices.

In the meantime, you can establish a set of guidelines for your workgroup, your company, or even your family. You may need to collaborate on what is acceptable for meetings, work sessions, and dining situations so that you can enjoy peace, productivity, and each other's company.

Know Your Gadget Before You Use It

This one suggestion would prevent a lot of dropped calls, accidental e-mails, and blockages of systems. Mishaps with technology happen because we have a tendency to start using new devices (or new features of old devices) before we have a good understanding of how they work.

Read the manuals, and test new features out with a friend or co-worker if you need to. (Asking their permission first, of course!) If you're fully comfortable with how a device or feature works, you're less likely to fumble a message or bungle a phone call.

An Etiquette Perspective on Various Gadget Features, with The Most Common Problems

We didn't divide these by device (cell phone vs. pager, etc. ) since many devices handle more than one function. If we receive a number of requests and opinions about other features, we will include them as well.

Call forwarding

Call forwarding allows you to transfer a call from one phone to another. As an example, if you forward your office phone to your cell phone, someone who calls your office phone will ring your cell phone so that you can answer while you're away from your desk.

The Good News

This is a great way to stay in contact with clients or co-workers seamlessly.

The Bad News

You may answer your cell phone differently than your office phone, which can sound unprofessional or may confuse some callers. If you answer your office phone with a standard greeting (such as "Acme Gadget Company, this is Joe speaking.") you may want to answer your cell phone the same way while your office phone is forwarded so that you are consistent. Or you can at least answer your cell phone with "This is Joe" rather than just "Hi!"

Conference Calls, Speaker Phones, and Recording Calls

The Good News

Collaborative phone calls can be a very inexpensive and productive way to have a meeting or work session. Pre-recorded calls can allow a number of people at different places and different times to access audio information, and ensures that it is delivered consistently. You can also record calls for your own future reference, or to cover legal requirements.

The Bad News

At the beginning of the call, the person initiating the call should make sure that all participants know who is on the line, and inform all participants if they are being recorded. (In many cases, this is a legal requirement, not just an ethical one!) When you're on a phone call with many participants, or that is being recorded for later use, it is more important to be speak clearly, identify yourself when you're speaking, and ensure that there is no noise or interference.

Auto-reply (Out of Office Message)

You can set up most e-mail systems to send mail on your behalf. A good example of this is the ubiquitous "Out of Office" reply, that replies to each e-mail you receive informing the sender that you're out of the office, and presumably with some alternative contact information and expected time of return.

The Good News

This is a great way of keeping people informed so that you don't seem negligent if you don't reply to an e-mail personally in a timely fashion.

The Bad News

Try to anticipate what people may be e-mailing you about during your absence, and either head it off at the pass by speaking to them beforehand about your absence, or at least including information they might need in your auto reply (the name and number of a co-worker who can help them, or a way to contact you if something is really urgent.)

Reply All

What it is

"Reply All" is a feature on some e-mail packages that allows you to reply to everyone who was copied on the original message. The default is (and should be!) to reply only to the sender of a given message.

The Good News

This is great for collaborative work with a small group of people, where everyone needs to follow the thread of the discussion. By replying to all senders of an e-mail of this type, you make sure everyone gets the same information at the same time.

The Bad News

This can be a real problem when large distribution lists are used. Replying to all will cause a message to be sent to EVERY person on the list. We had one situation where everyone in the organization received an e-mail about a trivial subject, then MANY people in the organization replied to the list, requesting to be taken off the list. Everyone in the organization got hundreds of e-mails before this was resolved.

When to Unplug

• Do not drive distracted
• Use a land-line whenever possible
• Use capitals and proper spelling and grammar, even on a PDA
• Devote your full attention to people you're in the room with, (dining companions, coworkers in a working session, the facilitator and other team members in a meeting, etc.) unless you excuse yourself. If you must take a call, excuse yourself and leave the room until you are finished.
• Do NOT distract others in public places where they might be concentrating or enjoying the experience (parks, performances, libraries, etc.)

Setting Your Own Guidelines

Your company, or your family, may want to set up some guidelines for the use of electronic devices. Some things to consider:

"Check Your Guns At the Door"

I usually have a "check your guns at the door" policy in any meetings where the attention of participants is required. This means that all cell phones, pagers, laptops, etc. have to be turned off.

To make it easier for people to do without their gadgets, and harder for them to come up with excuses, I send a preprinted agenda with space for people to take notes on. (People who take notes on their laptops are generally also checking their e-mail several times an hour, checking the news and their stocks, or possibly even playing games! The tempatation of all that information and entertainment at your fingertips is simply too great.)

This makes our meetings much more productive, and the level of participation much higher. (Maybe partly because everybody is in a hurry to conclude our business and get back to their e-mail!)

Silent Only

You may also have less formal meetings, touchpoints or workgroup sessions; or sessions where people involved with critical operations functions are required to attend, and are required to be "pageable." If this is the case, insist that all devices be set to "silent" and calls be taken only for emergencies.

Technology Free Zones

You may want to designate certain areas as "technology free" or at least "silent" at all times, such as break rooms, libraries, family dining areas, etc. This will give you some oases of peace to to think and plan, or socialize in person with co-workers or family members in the absence of beeps, clicks and annoying little tunes.

Conclusion

Manners are as important today as they were in Emily Post's day. The basics of courtesy still apply in every situation, they just need to be applied differently in situation involving technology. As they pervade the culture, hopefully more people will recognize this. In the meantime, you can start by developing some guidelines for your workgroup, your company, or your family.

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