Collaborating with Dragons - Without Getting Barbecued

The Solution

People who are difficult to deal with are often the very same people who are best able to help or hinder your projects and ideas. If you refuse to deal with difficult people, and deal only with those who are friendly, cooperative, and share your philosophies and communication style, you may have a much more peaceful worklife, but unfortunately you will also give up a lot of opportunities to really shine- to collaborate with the best skill sets or get backing from the most insightful, powerful people.

Intensity can go both ways. The best collaborations are much more likely to come from your strongest opponent than from someone who is congenial but weak or apathetic.

Put It In Perspective

Chances are, you’ve been a dragon yourself at one time or another, and chances are this particular dragon isn’t actually out to get you, no matter how things may seem at the moment. He’s out to get what he wants, and whoever gets in the way is likely to get roasted. It’s nothing personal.

Proceed With Caution

Although you need not take things personally, you should take things seriously. Dragons are to be handled with care. Reduce conversations to writing when appropriate. You can say- “I’m just going to summarize our conversation and send it to you as an e-mail so that I’m sure I understand the problem the same way you see it- please review it and let’s discuss any misunderstandings.”

This way, you have a written record that you can refer to later in explaining your position or your actions, or defending yourself legally if necessary.

You may want to inform the people you report to of the conflict so that they hear it from you. Always be complimentary of the person you’re in conflict with, although you do need to explain the point of contention. The important thing is to make sure this DOESN’T sound like you’re telling on the other person.

We gave that up in kindergarten.

Kill With Courtesy

Losing your temper, raising your voice, or especially, writing nasty memos will get you nowhere. Even people who would take your side will be embarrassed and tempted to distance themselves from your immature behavior.

If anything, be MORE courteous than normal when dealing with dragons. Make sure no one can fault you for your lack of manners.

Find the Motive

It might go against the grain to try to walk in a dragon’s footsteps. The last thing you want to do is be like them, (ugh!) or see things from their point of view. Sun Tzu, in the Art of War, correctly said that knowing the enemy is one of the vital keys to victory.

If you can understand where they’re coming from and what they’re after, you will know when to fight and when to dodge.

Compare His Motive to Yours

It is very rare to be directly in conflict with someone else, especially when you work for the same company. Usually, you want the same thing on a larger scale have different pespectives of how to accomplish the same thing. You may want to improve the bottom line by reducing expenses, while he wants to improve the bottom line by launching an expensive advertising campaign.

Your motives don’t diverge until it comes down to the means of accomplishing the same thing.

If you can’t brainstorm with the dragon in the room (they can be very disconcerting!) do some brainstorming on your own. In the example listed, can you find a way to accomplish his motive without compromising yours? Can you reduce expenses in other ways? Can you achieve the same results as an expensive ad campaign with less money? Can you use internal creative talent and get the ad agency involved later? Can you pay them out of a different budget? Barter for services?

Propose Your Solution

When you do this, it is particularly important to speak the dragon’s language. (This is another instance where knowing your opponent well comes in handy, since most of us don’t speak fluent Dragon.) If he’s a visual communicator, draw on a whiteboard or use an animated presentation. If he likes things printed in black and white, prepare a formal document. If he’s informal, meet him for coffee and talk.

Don’t expect an answer at the same sitting. There may be trust issues, conflict residue, and other barriers to agreement. Plan another meeting in a couple of days after the dragon’s had the opportunity to think it over calmly and check out the details. And don’t be insulted if he does check your math, research your sources, and so forth. He’s just being diligent.

Be Flexible

If the dragon wants to alter your plan, let him, within reason. He may just need to feel like it’s partly his idea.

Move On

No matter how this turns out, be a good sport about it. Don’t gloat about your dragon- taming exploits. If the dragon gets wind of it, you’re toast. At best, you’ll ruin any chance of future collaborations if you make him feel like he’s been manipulated.

Conclusion

It takes a lot of energy to get powerful and difficult people on your side and keep them there. There are times when the best you can do is to avoid direct confrontation and understand one another better, but there are also times when the alternative point of view forces you to work harder, think more creatively, and the find the best in yourself, your ideas and your projects. Dragons can be wonderful allies.